The Bet

I dreamt about you last night. I was sitting on my godmothers balcony deciding if I should go to the beach. I could see the waves crashing madly on the shore so I knew the possibility of getting in the water was next to impossible.

“There must be a storm coming”- I told myself. The air smelled of rain but the sun was shining hot. One last tan session then I would make my way back home to the kids and my husband. As I made my way down the concrete stairs, I felt the chips of red paint coming off the rails. They fell on the ground as loud as thunder, I looked up at the sky and wondered if it was an omen of things to come. I made it to the sidewalk and my steps grew heavy, the blue sky was covered by dark clouds and an ominous air lingered around me. I could see the white sand from where I stood, but the sea turned to mud. I wanted to know what it was, as I got closer people were screaming to be pulled from the sand, those that ran were covered by it. You walked towards me with tears down your face. “Why did you do this?”- you asked upset.

“What did I do? What’s all over you? What’s going on at the beach? Why are people running?”- I asked confused.

“You left me at the beach, you didn’t come for me! How could you do something like that?”- you yelled, but I could see the sadness in your eyes. I could feel your pain shooting out of you, wounding my soul.

As I wake, a flash of our past life ran before my eyes. The sadness of leaving you behind at that beach, once again, overcame me. I cried angry at myself, and angry at you. I’m sorry for letting you go into those treacherous waters, I should have said no to your bet. I knew you were not a strong swimmer and I knew I could beat you but I didn’t know I could lose you. I tried so hard to get to you, the rip current was so strong, and it was hard to see in the rain. When I lost sight of you my heart sank, I cried out for you and I tried finding you. I looked all night under the pouring rain, hoping you washed up at the beach but the sea swallowed you. I looked nights and days for you! It’s been twenty years since that tragic day, and your memories still hunt me. In some dreams, I hold your hand and swim to safety, in others I’m the one gone.